Note to Self: You Are One Tough Bitch!
I say that because I am no longer amused by this experience. I've stopped the prescription pain medications entirely. They were doing me more harm than good. Now I'm stuck with the pain. After using the fucked up orthopedic instrument of torture today, a device that had me crying like a baby (but that's what I get for stopping the pain meds), my mood has gone from bad to worse.You strap your leg into this thing and then program the amount of flexion and extension you want from it. I have it at 1 degree of extension and 75 degrees of flexion. It was made clear to me that I'm going to have to work my ass off in order to go back to the life I had before the surgery. So I'm working. And I'm crying. And I will continue to work through the pain. The doctor told me that I can't damage the knee at this point. What I understood him to mean by that was that I was going to have to do a little more than the knee seems capable of handling. Even though something hurts, the knee is not going to fall apart. Therefore, I strap myself in and stretch as far as I can stand it. Then the machine flexes as far as I can stand it. This goes on until you turn the machine off. I turned it off after 30 minutes, 20 of which were spent crying.
You know what else is fucked up? In order to prevent deep vein thrombosis, you have to take blood thinners, blood thinners which you inject into your stomach. Twice a day.
Fuck me this is hard!! I know it will get better eventually. I will get through it, but I'm going to use my blog to bemoan my fate. Then when I look back on this in a year, I can actually believe that I am one tough little bitch.
ADDENDUM (SEVERAL HOURS LATER): I caved. The pain was too much. I took come Vicodin, but I wasn't at all happy about doing so. Am I still tough?