23 April 2009

Note to Self: You Are One Tough Bitch!

I say that because I am no longer amused by this experience. I've stopped the prescription pain medications entirely. They were doing me more harm than good. Now I'm stuck with the pain. After using the fucked up orthopedic instrument of torture today, a device that had me crying like a baby (but that's what I get for stopping the pain meds), my mood has gone from bad to worse.You strap your leg into this thing and then program the amount of flexion and extension you want from it. I have it at 1 degree of extension and 75 degrees of flexion. It was made clear to me that I'm going to have to work my ass off in order to go back to the life I had before the surgery. So I'm working. And I'm crying. And I will continue to work through the pain. The doctor told me that I can't damage the knee at this point. What I understood him to mean by that was that I was going to have to do a little more than the knee seems capable of handling. Even though something hurts, the knee is not going to fall apart. Therefore, I strap myself in and stretch as far as I can stand it. Then the machine flexes as far as I can stand it. This goes on until you turn the machine off. I turned it off after 30 minutes, 20 of which were spent crying.

You know what else is fucked up? In order to prevent deep vein thrombosis, you have to take blood thinners, blood thinners which you inject into your stomach. Twice a day.

Fuck me this is hard!! I know it will get better eventually. I will get through it, but I'm going to use my blog to bemoan my fate. Then when I look back on this in a year, I can actually believe that I am one tough little bitch.

ADDENDUM (SEVERAL HOURS LATER): I caved. The pain was too much. I took come Vicodin, but I wasn't at all happy about doing so. Am I still tough?


At 4/23/09, 4:00 PM, Blogger pranaglider said...

All this passes and you will be left with fully functioning pain free knees. Keep it up we in the blog-o-sphere are pulling with you.

At 4/23/09, 5:46 PM, Blogger Christian said...

Like Lance Armstrong after his cancer, you are going to be unstoppable after this ordeal. Every hassle that comes your way in the water will seem very minor.

At 4/23/09, 9:07 PM, Blogger Christian said...

PS: Out of curiosity, I looked up pictures of knee replacement surgery. I threw up a little. That surgery is hard core.

At 4/23/09, 9:14 PM, Blogger Surfsister said...

I accidentally stumbled upon some pictures of the surgery while I was doing my research. I swear I wanted to call the doctor and cancel right then and there. Yeah, it's brutal. They have to cut through skin, muscle and bone to get it done. No wonder I feel like shit.

At 4/24/09, 8:34 AM, Blogger gracefullee said...

You are the toughest badass chica I know. Don't look at the Vicodin as a crutch. Think of it as a relief from concentrating on the pain. It'll help you rest so you can fight more later.

Remember to eat a little when you take Vicodin!


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