That's More Like It!

I finally felt like my old self today. I went out yesterday. Notice I wrote nothing. Once again, I left the beach sulking, certain that I had somehow regressed and was now back to being happy paddling into and standing up in the whitewater. The day went completely downhill from there. You know, I don't talk much about "The Fury". That part of the blog actually relates to my job. But I've chosen not to say much about my work although it's become obvious that I teach. So, our beautiful state finally has a little more money in its coffers, thus freeing up money for schools to hire full-time teachers. I teach part-time, meaning I have nothing except an hourly wage (albeit a good hourly wage, but not good enough to pay the bills). My school announced openings for full-time positions in my discipline. I was encouraged to apply, even though I felt my chances of being hired with three semesters under my belt were slim to none. Still, I got my hopes up, thinking I wouldn't be encouraged to apply unless I had a chance, right? Wrong with a capital W! I thought I'd at least get a courtesy interview before they rejected me. Nope. Suffice it to say, I was irritated all day. I needed to surf today, but had no intention of bringing it up since I surfed yesterday morning. I thought since I got to do what I wanted yesterday morning, I should at least let my husband do what he wanted this morning. To my surprise, he told me to surf. I think he knew I needed it. We've also been discussing the slump over the last few days so I think he was being doubly supportive: he wanted me to work through the slump and he wanted me to work through my anger. Good man!!!

So, we get to the beach and all I see are closeouts. Part of me wanted to turn around and go home. But I got in. I expected the worst. Yesterday was better than the previous days, but I still felt off. My balance was all screwed up. I'd pop up and fall off within a split second. I just didn't feel good. I didn't feel like myself. Today was entirely different. As soon as I caught my first wave, I could tell things were back to normal. What's so funny is the conditions weren't all that good. Closeouts. Wind. All that good stuff. But I was dialed in today. I only remember one wave. That wave, in fact, brought up a question: Can you chase down a wave? I swear that's what I did. I've always admired surfers who can spin their longboards on a dime and catch a wave as it's underneath them. So I saw this wave and spun around as fast as I could. Well, the wave passed by me while I was paddling. But it was such a slow wave that I literally caught up to it and dropped in. All I remember is feeling my paddling get faster and faster. Then I was in it. Weird. I never thought you could run a wave down. Now I realize people probably do it all the time. That's the only wave I remember. But as we were about to drive away from the beach today, someone ran up to tell me how good I looked on a different wave. Apparently I took a steep drop on the first wave, rode it, and then dropped into another wave that formed in front of it. He said, "It was so cool to watch that." Watch what? Was I there? I'm glad somebody saw it. I felt great today. I felt strong. I haven't felt like that for days. And even though I'm still without a full-time job, benefits, retirement, or a future, I'm past worrying about it. I'll just keep trying. (But if this school rejects me when I apply the next time, I'm moving on.)