The Brotha Doth Protest Too Much, Methinks
Where do I even start with this one?
You know something's wrong when your significant other often tells you how supportive he is of your surfing. Frankly, if you're as supportive as you say, you wouldn't have to keep saying it, would you? Somehow, I think he's trying to convince himself more than he's trying to convince me. I don't think his attitude about my surfing can be classified as supportive. He tolerates my surfing . . . barely.
And what is it about surfing that pisses him off so much? That's the $64,000 question. For years, I spent my weekends out training on my bike. I was often gone for hours at a time, riding with a whole bunch of guys. That never bothered him in the least. But this surfing thing is a whole different animal. I'm still at a loss as to why surfing, specifically me surfing, bugs the shit out of him. I've not dropped everything else in my life to surf. Yes, I schedule much of my life around surfing. However, I was the same way as a cyclist. I haven't completely ignored the needs of my family in my quest for waves. I don't dream about dropping out to become a feral surfer. I still put my job as "mommy" first. I still bring money into the house. I still do all of that stupid shit that's required of a wife/mother (i.e., do all the shopping, cooking, dish washing, laundry). I've not forgotten I'm married and that there's a man here who requires my attention.
It's rare that I surf freely. By that I mean, there's always a feeling of dread connected to my surfing. Is he going to be mad because I surfed? Is he going to be mad because I want to surf? These thoughts are always in the back of my mind when I'm in the water (or in the parking lot or in the car driving to/from surf or online reading other surf blogs or online looking at the surf report). And I'm tired. Surfing shouldn't be this unpleasant for either one of us. It's not like I'm going to stop surfing. I don't give him shit for riding his motorcycle. He's gone for hours at a time. My attitude is that everyone should follow his or her passion. I surf in the morning for a few hours. You ride your bike for the rest of the day. It's like a tag team wrestling team. You watch the little man first, then you tag me and I've got him. I don't have a problem with that. The little man doesn't seem to be bothered by it either.
I don't ask for much. I'm not a high maintenance female. All I ask is that a man let me be me. Don't trip. I've never cheated. I didn't bring a lot of baggage into the relationship. I've just been here the whole time, being me. We've both changed over the almost two decades we've been together. That's to be expected. Have I changed for the worse? I don't think so. He hasn't hinted at that. So why all the fucking drama about surfing?