Guest Blogger #1: Whiffleboy

This guy is the reason why I started blogging. If this was an episode of True Blood, I suppose I'd consider Whiff my "maker". Years ago I saw a little blurb on Surfline that highlighted the "Blog of the Week" or something to that effect. His was the blog that was mentioned first, I think. Once I started reading his blog, I realized I wanted to write one of my own. I love Whiff's sense of humor as well as his candor. When he agreed to do a guest post, I said his would be the first. Thanks, Whiff!

I'd like to thank Surfsister for offering up a guest blogger spot to little old me. I'm not worthy and, after you read this, you'll agree.

So I've been at this surfing thing here in Los Angeles for about 7 years now. In retrospect, that's a lot of time invested in what amounts to about 45 seconds worth of actually standing up and riding the face of a wave, but, that's just the way it is. Anyway, I thought I'd share with you a quick guide to surfing in Los Angeles in case you decide you want to take it up or, if you're a visiting surfer, decide to give one of our beautiful lackluster breaks a shot:

• Shit before you go. If the restrooms aren't locked due to traditional vandalism, they've been vandalized in other, more disgusting, fecal-type ways. Besides...you don't want to disturb the guy getting the blow job in the next stall.
• If you can't find the syringe you think you just stepped on in the sand, it didn't happen. You're good to go.
• Parking is at a premium. That is, if you go along with that whole "no parking at any time" bullshit signage.
• There are no locals from the Valley. Look at a map. At least that's what the dude from Pasadena told me.
• Generally speaking, the only shoulder you'll see on our waves is the one on the guy who just dropped in on you.
• "Fair+" = "Shitty" anywhere else.
• It's inappropriate to hum "Been Caught Stealin'" while sharing the lineup with Perry Farrell. He really doesn't think it's cute.
• Please refrain from using the term "crowded lineup" until the Fire Marshall is finished doing a headcount.
• If you accidentally threw away your winning lottery ticket, wait till the next rain and retrieve it from the lineup.
• All secret spots in Los Angeles are located along Dockweiler Beach.
• Jesus would not SUP. Neither should you.

See you in the lineup.

Whiffleboy