14 September 2009

Guest Blogger #1: Whiffleboy

This guy is the reason why I started blogging. If this was an episode of True Blood, I suppose I'd consider Whiff my "maker". Years ago I saw a little blurb on Surfline that highlighted the "Blog of the Week" or something to that effect. His was the blog that was mentioned first, I think. Once I started reading his blog, I realized I wanted to write one of my own. I love Whiff's sense of humor as well as his candor. When he agreed to do a guest post, I said his would be the first. Thanks, Whiff!

I'd like to thank Surfsister for offering up a guest blogger spot to little old me. I'm not worthy and, after you read this, you'll agree.

So I've been at this surfing thing here in Los Angeles for about 7 years now. In retrospect, that's a lot of time invested in what amounts to about 45 seconds worth of actually standing up and riding the face of a wave, but, that's just the way it is. Anyway, I thought I'd share with you a quick guide to surfing in Los Angeles in case you decide you want to take it up or, if you're a visiting surfer, decide to give one of our beautiful lackluster breaks a shot:

  • Shit before you go. If the restrooms aren't locked due to traditional vandalism, they've been vandalized in other, more disgusting, fecal-type ways. Besides...you don't want to disturb the guy getting the blow job in the next stall.
  • If you can't find the syringe you think you just stepped on in the sand, it didn't happen. You're good to go.
  • Parking is at a premium. That is, if you go along with that whole "no parking at any time" bullshit signage.
  • There are no locals from the Valley. Look at a map. At least that's what the dude from Pasadena told me.
  • Generally speaking, the only shoulder you'll see on our waves is the one on the guy who just dropped in on you.
  • "Fair+" = "Shitty" anywhere else.
  • It's inappropriate to hum "Been Caught Stealin'" while sharing the lineup with Perry Farrell. He really doesn't think it's cute.
  • Please refrain from using the term "crowded lineup" until the Fire Marshall is finished doing a headcount.
  • If you accidentally threw away your winning lottery ticket, wait till the next rain and retrieve it from the lineup.
  • All secret spots in Los Angeles are located along Dockweiler Beach.
  • Jesus would not SUP. Neither should you.

See you in the lineup.



At 9/14/09, 4:36 PM, Blogger Whiffleboy said...

Sssssoookeh. :-)

At 9/14/09, 5:52 PM, Blogger Christian said...

That's great, Whiffleboy. Thanks for giving up the goods on Dockweiller, or as my friends and I call it, "L.A. Indo."

Some people....

At 9/14/09, 7:56 PM, Blogger Retro hack said...

I lol'ed and lol'ed again..then the needle thing made me spew Dr. Pepper...
I stepped on a crack pipe while walking to surf Bay St. once...

At 9/14/09, 8:05 PM, Blogger Surfing Grandma of OC said...

I loved this post... very entertaining, I loved the line about Perry Farrell! Good job whiffle boy.. Good call Surf Sister, on the guest blogging.

At 9/15/09, 1:10 PM, Anonymous goofykook said...

I feel that you have taken what could have been an excellent public service for visiting kooks and turned it into a joke. Without a stern warning that off-shore winds and warm water attract sharks, many visitors might be lured into our LA lineups at the most dangerous time of year. Shame on you.

At 9/15/09, 3:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bravo! Well done Whiff. Soon you'll be writing for TMZ and the Huffington Post.


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