On Returning From an Injury

These are the rules I'm following as I assess my recovery. These are my rules. I'm no expert, but decades of playing hard and getting hurt while doing so have taught me a thing or two.

You should not surf following an injury if you cannot:

1. Walk without people assuming you were parked in the handicapped space;

2. Get in and out of bed without screaming;

3. Take your board off the top of the car and carry it to the water without the aid of the old guy who is actually parked in the handicapped space;

4. Comfortably wax your board without stopping to whimper;

5. Tread water in such a way that the lifeguard doesn't feel compelled to rescue you; and

6. Execute a pop-up that doesn't involve grunting, groaning or crying.

Five out of six ain't bad. When I can do #5 without too much pain, I'll be back in the water.